It's been a long month since I last blogged. While many good things have happened I've been struggling a lot personally. I wasn't sure I wanted to write about this but after doing some soul searching and knowing I always have my readers support, I decided I needed to do this.
Turning 30 is scary. On a subconscious level I think I never thought I would reach this age. I know it sounds silly but 30 always seemed so far away. I thought I would be in a different place, maybe a better one and I feel disappointed that I haven't taken off on my life's purpose completely yet. I think these feelings are pretty normal. However these ideas coupled with some upsets in my health and upcoming wedding have really sent me into a funk this past month. I feel frustrated I let myself sit on these worries and feelings of being not good enough for so long. I now feel guilty and disappointed that I'm behind on some life goals. I've let my demons get the best of me and I just feel worse for it.
Over the past week I decided enough was enough and I needed to take action. I've rediscovered a beautiful yoga practice and have just started working with EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique). I've also done a lot of soul searching with where I want my life to go and I am choosing to take action.
Health-wise I recently discovered I cannot tolerate any form of dairy (fermented, regular, or otherwise). This has caused me to be even more in tune with my body and I've noticed that since eliminating dairy something is still off. I've scheduled a full work up with my holistic practitioner to get to the bottom of it but in all honesty I'm afraid. I'm afraid I won't be able to eat anything. I recognize this is a ridiculous thought however food and my body have not always gotten along. Eating has now become stressful and I'm often afraid to put anything in my mouth. I know finding out what is causing the issue will help me get past this fear of the unknown; I just have to allow myself to see all the wonderful things i can enjoy.
I also discovered that all the stress I've been putting on myself has affected my adrenals and is causing the severe bouts of tiredness I've been suffering from. Amazing how stress works huh? It's made me take a step back and realize I need to make some serious changes in my life. Part of that is accepting that I deserve good things and deserve to be happy. I haven't always been comfortable with these ideas. I am actively working through these issues and part of that is sharing this with you all. You have been some of my greatest supporters and I want you to know that no matter how perfect we try to make things, we are ever evolving. My spirit needed a major awakening and I'm ready to let the universe take over.
So what exactly is it that I want to do? I want to cook more, create new recipes, and bring my joy to the world. I also want to create beautiful dances and teach others the joy dance can bring to their lives. I want to be a lover to all I meet in the world and help people realize that life can be easy if we let it (yes that includes convincing myself). I'm ready to reprogram my brain and let it be open to everything the universe has to offer. Namaste and let this new beginning begin.