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Unlocking The Doorway to Happiness

When making a huge lifestyle change you begin to notice details about yourself you may never have before. The further along you go on your journey, the more unsettling or uncomfortable thoughts will come into focus. From my research on this topic, I see that this is a necessary part of the process, normal, and even healthy for you. This week I had a major eye-opening discovery about myself and it caught me completely off guard.

I have never considered myself a judgemental person. In my book, you choose how you want to live your life and as long as its not hurting me, yourself, or anyone for that matter I say embrace your decisions. I will gladly support you in changing jobs, getting married, trying a new way of dressing because at my core I believe we are all individuals who are uniquely different with so many different ideas to share. That's what makes living everyday so much fun; if we were all the same life would be pretty boring.

Well, I woke up a bit of a crank pot Tuesday morning. I really wasn't sure what was bothering me but figured it was nothing a little yoga practice couldn't fix. I began my practice and for the life of me could not focus on my mantra (joy). My mind kept wandering, so I did what the meditation experts say and acknowledged the unsettling negative thoughts coming in and then reset my focus to my mantra. I must have done this at least once a minute for my entire practice. Instead of feeling amazing after yoga I still felt pretty crappy. I made breakfast and tea and worked to make sure my negative energy wouldn't disrupt or ruin Anthony's mood for the day. It's no fun to have 2 cranky people in the same space.

A little while later Anthony asked me to help him with a few things (pretty normal things, nothing out of the ordinary) and I found myself agitated, angry, and furious for no reason. Heating up a cup of soup should not set someone off! I recognized I needed a little alone time and excused myself to some journal time.

What came out of that journaling session rocked my world. My subconscious has been judging those I love for not being on the exact same journey as I am. I realized my subconscious has been quietly saying, "Your way is the best and everyone should be doing what you do otherwise they are ignorant." This made me so upset. How could I have such cruel thoughts about those closest to me and not recognize that they are all in a unique place of their own journey and live such beautiful lives? I wasn't even aware I was doing it, how could that have happened?

What I'm learning is that the issues at the root of our unhappiness and health will only surface when all the peripheral issues are out of the way. These deep-seeded roots hide underneath everything so that you can't find them and they can continue to make you feel bad. Now that I've cleared away most of it's hiding places, these poisonous roots are beginning to show because there is nowhere left to hide. I've unlocked it's secret door and am ready to fight for my happiness.

This felt like such a monumental discovery this week. Now that I'm aware of it, I am consciously being present in every moment; I don't want to give my subconscious the opportunity to hurt those I love or myself. It takes a little adjusting but I feel like I'm finally starting to let an old demon go. I no longer need my subconscious going into defense mode because I'm in a safe, loving space.

What discoveries have you made about yourself this week?

Enjoy every moment in your day!

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