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Roller Coasters of Emotion: Taking a Time Out

Hello readers! It's been 2 weeks since I've last blogged. I've been taking both mental and physical vacations the last couple of weeks. This journey on The Body Ecology Diet is leading me to places I never thought I would go. The journey is not just about healing me physically; it's about healing me mentally too. Now that all the distractions I used to use as coping mechanisms are out of the picture, I'm dealing with some demons I've been holding onto for a long time.  Issues I thought I was over have resurfaced and I've realized that I never dealt with them, I've only pushed and shoved them down so deep I hid them temporarily.

Change is a strange thing. You have some really high moments coupled with some really low ones. It's a crazy dance that has no "typical" rhythm or pattern. Each journey is unique and different. I'll admit these last couple of weeks have not been my highest points. In fact I've had more low moments than I care to say. I feel lucky that I was prepared for the ride this time; I've been taking a moment every day to stop, evaluate and truly see what is going on. It's been an eye-opening experience. My biggest discovery has been that despite my successes, I believe that I don't deserve good things because ultimately I'm not good enough. (Just writing that sentence for you all to read is scary!) At the root of all my insecurities is a little voice that loves to tell me I'll never be good enough no matter how hard I work, how thin I am, how much money I make, or how much success I encounter. I'm not going to lie, that realization made me both unbelievably sad/ashamed and yet relieved at the same time. I was lucky enough to have an incredibly kind friend (more like sister) with me when I made that discovery audible and for the first time in a long time I felt like I could tackle this feeling. I wasn't alone and I felt ready for the change.

So how is it going now? Well I just came home from a wonderful vacation visiting Mary, Frank and their little baby boy Christopher in Pittsburgh. I found myself having a hard time relaxing at times, but if I could take a few moments to meditate or journal about it, I was able to overcome obsessing about it. (Obsessive thoughts are pretty commonplace for me and keep me in a state of anxiousness.) We had a great time swimming, going to Rib Fest, enjoying each other's company, and of course playing with the baby! I've been journaling everyday for the last 2 weeks so that I can track my progress, deal with the insecurities head on, and have some me time. I'm looking into meditation practices and have started doing some of my own to control the obsessive thoughts that go along with my insecurities. I'm re-evaluating my relationships and seeing where I need to pull back or spend more time. I'm nowhere near magically healed, but I feel I'm starting to get a grip on my mental well-being. I intend to keep up my yoga/dance practices and put my energies into projects that inspire me, not drain me emotionally. I need to communicate better. Most of all I'm realizing I need to set better boundaries in most areas of my life; I cannot be pulled in 50 directions 24/7 and lead a healthy life. It doesn't matter how well I eat; if I can't mentally be happy I will never find perfect health.

Now some of you may be wondering, are you chronically sick or have a life-threatening disease? The answer is no, but if feeling chronically tired, anxious, foggy, having consistent headaches, not being able to breathe without popping a pill, and having a bloated upset stomach is normal then we as a society need to change. I've decided to no longer settle for a mediocre life experience and I hope my story can inspire you to change as well. I truly believe that we all deserve to feel happy and healthy 24/7 and should not settle for just feeling OK. I dedicated 2013 on New Years day to being the year of my best self yet and I have fought hard for this journey. I was open and ready for major changes and I'm glad to say I don't want to go back. I've created an inspiration board for myself and here are some of the images/sayings that keep me going. I hope they can inspire you as well.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and please feel free to share your own stories. Have a wonderful holiday weekend and enjoy yourself!

Forgiveness is FREEDOM. Freedom is LIMITLESS. ~Yogi Tea


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